Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
