You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
