I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
