Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
