Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
