I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
