I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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