One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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