No stitches, just platelets and will power
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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