the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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