just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
