You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
