i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
