I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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