RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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