If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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