how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize