Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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