my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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