Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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