wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
