If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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