I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
