So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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