i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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