is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
