did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
