The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
