You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
