her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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