Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I could make wine with my vomit
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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