you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
