It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
