You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
