I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
