ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
