I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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