I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
