I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
