well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
