whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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