I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
