remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
