I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
