my phone needs a breathalizer
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
