I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize