I didn't shave. On purpose
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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