you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
