East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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