his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize