Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
