I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
