Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
