we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
