u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
