ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
