Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
