I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
