fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
