Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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