just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
