It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
