Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Randomize
