Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
