I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
