This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize