i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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