You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
