Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
