we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
