Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
