He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
