God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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