i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
