Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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