Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
