alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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