Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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