I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
