the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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