First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
