she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
