would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
