no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
