i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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