He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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