Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
