I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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