: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
