I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
