White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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